Performed by adam sandler and allen covert
Richie: so ya doin’ good?
Samantha: ya, I’m fine, how ’bout you?
Richie: how good could I be? I haven’t seen you in three hours.
Samantha: ohhh, richie. hey richie, my dad’s down the hall, and he doesn’t want me on the phone. so if I hang up on you, it’s just because he’s coming.
Richie: ok. so look, uh, do you wanna meet at the spring fling dance thi...
[she hangs up phone]
[phone rings]
Richie: hello?
Samantha: sorry, I thought he was coming.
Richie: that’s ok. so, about the dance. do you wanna meet
Samantha: umm, well my brother gets the car on friday nights.
Richie: well that’s ok, I’ll come by and get you. lets say around...
[she hangs up phone]
Richie: come on..
[phone rings]
Richie: hey.
Samantha: sorry. I guess he was just going to the bathroom.
Richie: that’s ok. well look, uh.. what was I saying? oh yeah, should I pick you up at like seven-thirty or maybe do you wanna go later when the dance is really kickin..
[she hangs up the phone again]
Richie: give me a break...
[phone rings]
Richie: hello.
Samantha: sorry. it was just my dog.
Richie: hey, what’s your dad’s problem anyways!? why can’t we talk?
Samantha: he just thinks I’m on the phone too much. oh my god, uh, I gotta go.
Richie: don’t hang up!
Samantha: richie, I can’t talk!
Richie: no, I’m sick of this! put your dad on the phone! I wanna talk to him.
Samantha: it’s not my dad.
Richie: what? well, who’s there? why can’t you talk?
Samantha: uh, just look richie, someone is here.
Richie: who’s there? is it a guy!?
Samantha: richie!
Richie: I knew it! I’ll kill him! put him on the phone!
Samantha: oh.. it’s just.. hold on.
[hands phone to guy]
Richie: hey man! what the hell are you doing there!? samantha’s my girl!
You’d better stay away from her or I’ll make you wish you were never born!
Buffoon: fuckin’ shit!
Richie: yeah, fuckin’ shit is right buddy! don’t think I’m kidding around, man! I’m crazy! I’ll smash your head in! I swear to god!
Buffoon: one time I saw my grandmother in the shower. her bush starts above her belly button.
Richie: yeah, well that’s too bad! but I’m still gonna come over there and beat your face in!
[richie slams down phone]
Samantha: what happened? was he mad?
Buffoon: my neighbor’s dog has a four inch clit!
Samantha: oh buffoon, you’re the coolest. [whispering] I love you...
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